The Try-Works

The best story I ever heard about the Boulder antiwar movement came from a couple of members of my favorite Denver hellraisers.  Seems the usual Boulder idiots were out stretching their legs in a pretense of protest against that abattoir called Iraq, chanting, and I shit you not, “only marching can stop the war!”

To which Denver’s finest started chanting in response, “and IEDs!”

Anyway, you knew they were ahistorical, a little demented, and partially brain-damaged.  Now you know why.

Eating high levels of some soy products - including tofu - may raise the risk of memory loss, research suggests.

The study focused on 719 elderly Indonesians living in urban and rural regions of Java.

The researchers found high tofu consumption - at least once a day - was associated with worse memory, particularly among the over-68s.

The Loughborough University-led study features in the journal Dementias and Geriatric Cognitive Disorders.

Soy products are a major alternative protein source to meat for many people in the developing world.

This kind of research into the causes of Alzheimer’s could lead scientists to new ways of preventing this devastating disease.

But soy consumption is also on the increase in the west, where it is often promoted as a “superfood”.

Soy products are rich in micronutrients called phytoestrogens, which mimic the impact of the female sex hormone oestrogen.

There is some evidence that they may protect the brains of younger and middle-aged people from damage - but their effect on the ageing brain is less clear.

The latest study suggests phytoestrogens - in high quantity - may actually heighten the risk of dementia.

Keep reading.

[Thanks, Daisy.]

I still remember seeing this right about when Gulf War I broke out. As Ms. Obama said, for the first time in my adult life, I was proud of my country. Or at least of our proud tradition of profane, shit-talking comedians.

I apologize for the delay in sending you off, but know that we’ll miss you, maestro.  You were one of the last roadguards between us and the absolute fucking sterility both sides of the political aisle would foist upon us.

It probably doesn’t need to be said, but every word written on the Try-Works is, in its own way, written for you.

Update: Well, hell, it’s a start.

(A guest editorial by Try-Works reader, Business Major.)

Over the past few years, Jim Paine, PirateBallerina’s self-described Moonbat in Charge, has revealed more than enough about his views on taxation to firmly establish his credentials as a member in good standing of the Let Them Eat Shit School of “Free Market” Economics (otherwise known as rabid “Milton Friedman groupies”).

Hence, among other repugnancies, Paine’s continuous whining about “every dime of taxpayer money” expended in efforts to better the lot of “colored folk,” even as he’s displayed all the rhetoric elegance of Geraldine “How dare you state the obvious?” Ferraro in trying to counter suggestions that his is a profoundly racist outlook.

Heretofore, we’ve simply referred those seeking to unravel the implications of what Paine passes off as “principles” to The Shock Doctrine, Naomi Kline’s brilliant analysis of the unspeakable misery resulting from the imposition of Friedmanism upon country after Third World country since 1973.

To this, we can now add a local dimension. As was reported in the New York Times on June 11, “Colorado experienced the nation’s largest rate of growth in impoverished children from 2000 to 2006.” By the latter year, “180,000 children—15.7 percent of the state total—were living in poverty in Colorado…a 73 percent increase since 2000.”

Nor was Colorado’s “leadership” in this area in any sense marginal. The second-highest rate of increase in child poverty occurred in New Hampshire, where it was 47%. In other words, Colorado led its closest rival by a whopping 26% (i.e., a full lap in a 4-lap race).

There’s more. While the increases in states like New Hampshire and Delaware—the latter, with a rate increase of 45%, placed third among the 50 states—were suffered disproportionately by communities of color, such lopsidedness was nowhere near so pronounced as it has been in Colorful Colorado.

The rate of increase pertaining to Colorado’s black children, for instance, was 116%. While no data was reported by the Times regarding Latinos, but among American Indians—a group against which Paine has consistently voiced an especially virulent loathing (all the while pretending to be doing exactly the opposite, of course)—the rate of child impoverishment rose by a staggering 473 percent.

Tellingly, the median income of Colorado’s burgeoning white urban population actually rose during the same period.

How to account for the so-called Colorado Paradox? How about the fact that during the years 2000-2006, Colorado served as a veritable national showcase for implementing the very economic model Jim Paine so vociferously champions?

Not only was the Bush program of corporate welfare and tax cuts for the most affluent in place during the entire period, but, in Colorado, the effects were amplified immensely by Bill Owens’ control of the governor’s mansion, and by certain services provided to the state’s lily-white elites by such unsavory types as Bob Beauprez, Tom Tancredo, and Benny “The Scotsman” Campbell in the U.S. House and Senate.

With this cast of characters running the show in behalf of its “natural constituency”—a population guaranteed to induce snow-blindness when viewed without benefit of dark lenses—it’s no wonder that what little remained of Colorado’s social contract after passage of the “taxpayer’s bill of rights” in 1992 was quickly shredded.

While the portion of the state’s public revenues devoted to sustaining everything from social services to education stagnated or declined, appropriations to expand policing and prison capacity rose steadily. At the same time, the tax codes were utilized to “stimulate investment and development”—read, “profitability”—to an unprecedented degree.

All told, the 2000-2006 period came as close to economic nirvana as anything Friedmanites like Paine have yet experienced on the domestic front. Indeed, his only real complaints have been that Colorado’s duly-elected “stewards of free enterprise” weren’t able to privatize the state’s infrastructure altogether.

Maybe if all those newly-impoverished black and Indian children had literally starved or died for lack of home heating, Herr Eichmann would have been satisfied that “economic justice” has at last been delivered to Colorado’s master race.

But probably not. Some forms of moral depravity know no bounds.

Be that as it may, one thing couldn’t be clearer at this point. And that’s that the price of the several “well appointed bathrooms” adorning Jim Paine’s utterly unearned country estate has been paid in suffering by an untold number of the hungry, shivering little “darkies” upon whose very futures he’s pronounced himself entitled to foreclose.

If you’re in Atlanta this weekend, I recommend:

Friday May 23rd (7pm) - West End Community Masjid, forum on the importance of Malcolm’s (El Hajj Malik El Shabazz) journey with Islam to his work and legacy. Featuring a panel discussion and poets,  hosted by Kalonji Changa.

*FREE EVENT

West End Islamic Community Center
1193 Lucille St.
Atlanta, GA
Corner of Lucille & Holderness

Saturday 24th - Festival Day @ Malcolm X Park
(West End Park)!

Things shall resume.  Sometime.

Since we’re doing music.

The video of the year, from the album of the year.  And, I’ll say, a better mustache than either Hitler or Madeleine Albright.

Laurie’s just reminded me of some of your lamer attempts to ferret out personal information from me and/or get me fired. My favorite being Jim Paine, John Martin and Grant Crowell’s “alerting” CU’s legal team to a non-threat on Grant Crowell’s life made by somebody who wasn’t fucking me, which was somehow proof positive of my moral turpitude. Or something. I don’t think I’ve laughed quite that hard in years. At least not until I read CU’s legal team’s response, which was, how shall I put it, a wee bit dismissive. (One could almost hear the eyebrows arching at the good Ballerinas’ histrionics.)

My, we’ve had fun, haven’t we? You’ve called the CU office pretending to be students’ parents seeking photographs of me, you’ve tried to pass yourselves off as book club members who adored my review of The Road and were hoping I’d share my professional information with you, you’ve threatened time and time again to meet me after class one of these days — though, alas, not one of you has lived up to that one — hell, you’ve even called me at my home and videotaped my family.

One could be a little put off by such shenanigans, but, shit, all of its been done with the usual brand of frantic, and hilarious, intensity which makes it rather hard to get too worked up over. Not to mention the low intimidation factor that results from one’s stalkers being a gang of suburban geriatric Republicans. I figure worst comes to worst I can pilfer your heart medication or kick y’all in the hip and be done with it.

But, with that in mind, might I ask which one of you fucking idiots sent me the following?

Dear Mr. Whitmer,

I tried to reach the Mad Knitter about the Boulder Ethnic Studies Program, but I received no response. I noticed that that she hasn’t posted for some time, perhaps, she is not checking her email? Would you mind forwarding the below to her?

If you have any thoughts about the Colorado Ethnic Studies Department, I would love to hear from you too.

Thanks.

To: knitter.mad@gmail.com
Subject: tryworks.org
Date: Tue, 18 Mar 2008 17:50:34 -0400

Dear Ms. Mad Knitter:

I am a 20 year old undergraduate at University of Connecticut, and I am so frustrated by the mindless conservatism of my state and school. I am a history major and a supporter of indigenous studies in a state which seems to associate Indian reservations with the Mohegan Sun Casino, thus trivializing the entire history of our colonialist imperialist government.

Since discovering your blog about a year ago, I have been inspired by your politics and truthtelling even in the face of withering attacks. Out of all the voices on your blog, I am particularly inspired by the idea of a strong woman, never, ever backing down. As a result, I am considering applying to the University of Colorado at Boulder to enroll in a graduate program, perhaps in the Ethnic Studies Department.

I am curious what your experience as woman has been, and if you would recommend Boulder as a graduate department? If you have a moment and could respond with some of your thoughts, I would really appreciate it.

Thanks in advance for your consideration. Keep fighting the good fight.

Kristen

I mean, really, y’all have set the bar rather low as lame maneuvers go, but this one might be the most pathetic yet.

Fight the good fight!

Do not fucking ask, but it turns out there’s a secret Nazi/Masonic base under DIA.

Who knew?

• Even though the area is basically flat (with a stunning view of mountains all around, since it’s in a valley), the expense and time was taken to extensively lower some areas and raise others. They moved 110 million cubic yards of earth around. This is about 1/3rd of the amount of earth they moved when they dug out the Panama Canal.
• The airport has a fiber optic communications core made of 5,300 miles of cable. That’s longer than the Nile River. That’s from New York City to Buenos Aires, Argentina. The airport also has 11,365 miles of copper cable communications network.
• The fueling system can pump 1,000 gallons of jet fuel per minute through a 28-mile network of pipes. There are six fuel hold tanks that each hold 2.73 million gallons of jet fuel. This is somewhere in the “no one will ever ever need this much” range.
• Granite was imported from all over the world - Asia, Africa, Europe, North and South America - and used in making the main terminal floor. This is a ridiculous expense, especially when you’re already over budget. They say, “The floor pattern echoes the roof design and subtly reinforces passenger flows”. Ah…subliminal messages to move your ass. It might look pretty but would any of us know Chilean granite from Chinese granite? Or care? You can dye rock if it’s colors you’re after. Cheaper rocks. (I wonder what the “stones have power” people say about this…)
• The huge, main terminal is Jeppesen Terminal, named after Elfrey Jeppesen, who was the first person to create maps specifically for aviation (the company is still in business today). This area is known as the “Great Hall”; it’s said this is what the Masons name their meeting place.
• It is 900 feet by 210 feet big. This is over 1.5 million square feet of space. All told, there is over 6 million square feet of public space at DIA. The airport brags that they have room to build another terminal and two more concourses and could serve 100 million passengers a year. The airport flew 36 million in 2001.
• The only way to get to the other two concourses/terminals from the Great Hall, or vice versa, is via the airport’s train system.
• There are more than 19 miles (30 km) of conveyor belt track, luggage transport cars and road in their own underground tunnels that move baggage and goods. They’re so huge you can drive trucks through them, and some remain unused.
• The entire roof of DIA is made of 15 acres of Teflon-coated, woven fiber glass. The same material is on the inside as a layer, also. The place looks like a bizarre (but kind of cool) scene out of “Dune”, comprised of huge, spiked tent-like structures. The material reflects 90% of the sunlight and doesn’t conduct heat. So you can’t see into the place with radar or see heat signatures.

The rest.

Oh, yeah, and the runways are laid out in the shape of a Swastika.

Jim Paine would like all the wogs to quit whining, please. Really, you should take a lesson from Mr. Paine. Y’know, inherit a little money, scam some welfare BLM land, and coast on your fat ass at your multi-million dollar ranch.

What the fuck’s wrong with you?

As dipstick fucking dumb as the whole thing is, there is one gem. That’d be Mr. Paine’s stab at mocking how all those darkies ain’t, like, educated as good he is.

From his idiot satirical syllabus:

Baccalaureate

* Reality 1A: Life Sucks; Get a Helmet
* Reality 293: You Are Not Important To Others
* Hold Out Both Hands: The Sad Truth About Your Demands
* Spelling & Grammar (required course; must be retaken every enrolled semester)

Here’s a tip, you fucking moron: when mocking others’ writing skills, you might wanna consider not leading with the kind of dipshit error drummed out of every middle-school kid with an IQ over 20. (Scroll down to ampersand.)

An anonymous eyewitness has been kind enough to add another account of Mr. Martin’s latest dipshit escapade.

Martin did leave out a minor detail: Throughout the “confrontation,” he waded in a pool of his own urine after he pissed himself silly out of fear. He looked very nervous through the whole thing; he could barely put two words together. Although, I could not tell if this was his natural state or if this was brought on by the events at the protest. There might be a potential lawsuit here in small claims court. Mr. Martin might have a legitimate claim that the ruffians owe him the cost of a new pair of pants.

Well done, gentlemen; the next round’s on me. Thanks for making my fucking week. Told you he was a creepy little motherfucker.

Seriously, Mr. Martin, you’re in your mid-fifties and this is your life’s work? Trolling anti-war protests in hopes of provoking a confrontation? That’s what you quit drinking for?

Because if that’s all you got, hoss, I recommend you take up the bottle again. Jesus, watching your old ass sleep off a vodka binge in a gutter would be good sight less depressing than the current void that seems to be your life. If these antics are any indication, yours is the kind of existential hell that forces the rest of us to muster our entire reserve of intestinal fortitude to withstand the sudden, overpowering impulse to drive ten-penny nails through our eyes. Hell, I’ve seen six-year-olds huffing Freon who were less pitiful than your dried up old ass.

Update: Having had, shall we say, a couple of run-ins with John Martin (here and here), I’m a little skeptical as to the cool, contained, mild-mannered version of himself he’s concocted for the above post. The Mr. Martin I know more resembles a spastic rhesus monkey with a greasy little erection and shit crusted around his mouth. I’ll never quite forget the first time I saw him hopping about and tugging at the front of his pants in the direction of a few college girls unfortunate enough to be in his general presence. I have it on good authority that at least two of the poor kids are still undergoing therapy.

So . . . if any of you Try-Works readers have firsthand knowledge that contradicts Mr. Martin’s tale, email me or leave it in the comments. I’ll happily repost it on the main page.

Update II: Seems Mr. Martin was fudging just a wee bit in his account of the so-called harrassment he endured on Columbus day. I’ve been emailed one report in from an unnamed journalist, who describes him thusly:

Foaming at the mouth is right . . . He was just trolling around, black hat backwards wearing some kind of ridiculous looking cargo pants with a vest to match. Very creepy.

But even better, Glenn Spagnoulo has chimed in at Mr. Martin’s blog with what I kinda gathered was the case:

You are so pathetic. Trying to act like you were in some kind of real danger. If I wanted to hurt you, I would have and there would have been nothing you could have done about it, but it would be a complete waste of time. Never claimed to be a peacenik. Oh yea, thanks for the ten buck donation. Nice not to mention that the scarf guy was playing with you, but I know, you need to create a story so go with it. We do not mind the attention, but speaking for myself, I do mind your false bullshit. Keep it up though, when someone like you starts writing something positive about me is when I know I have gone wrong.

Hey Drunkawife, your husband was never in any real trouble, he likes to pretend so he could look all dangerous to turn you on when he gets home. I guess you would have to be a drunk wife to cuttle up to that poor excuse of a man.

. . .

One more thing John, that is not Shareef in the picture with Larry Hales, but I guess to a scared little white man like yourself, “they all look the same” right.

Wm:
I pointed him out because people thought some one shit their pants because of the smell, I assumed it was John so I let them know. No reason to hide, right John. After all you were never really in any danger were you. Plus the fearless John Martin was trying to act like he was really into it all, thought people should no he was a fake. Keep hiding El Pres. Maybe some day you will grow a pair and introduce yourself to me. I won’t hold my breath. The only place any of you have any courage is when you are in cyber-space.

Well, that’s our Mr. Martin. He tries another goofy attempt at provoking an incident, then whines when his shenanigans are met with the mildest of reproval. Methinks he’s been hanging out with Heath Urie of late. One hopes the tender little darling never stubs his toe at one of these events. One can only imagine the snot, tears and howls of outrage attending.

Seriously, where was Mr. Martin drinking during his epic days of debauchery? Christ, given the levels of levels of self-pity he evinces when sober, one wonders who the hell would drink with him? I can’t imagine any self-respecting alcoholic who wouldn’t drown him in a toilet after about five minutes of his whining. To paraphrase Tom Waits, get down off the cross, asshole, we could use the wood.

Update III: Mr. Spagnoulo’s right, of course, Shareef Aleem ain’t anywhere to be found in this picture.

I profoundly apologize for the rash of Snapple posts while I was gone.  I’ll delete them at some point, but now and then it’s nice to remind ourselves exactly how fucking lunatic the other side is, ain’t it?

And, hell, in the interest of tolerance, I’ve decided to respond to one of Snapple’s queries.  S/he would like to know what I think of certain recently unearthed statements made by Rev. Jeremiah Wright, Barack Obama’s pastor of 20 years.

An ABC News review of dozens of Rev. Wright’s sermons, offered for sale by the church, found repeated denunciations of the U.S. based on what he described as his reading of the Gospels and the treatment of black Americans.

“The government gives them the drugs, builds bigger prisons, passes a three-strike law and then wants us to sing ‘God Bless America.’ No, no, no, God damn America, that’s in the Bible for killing innocent people,” he said in a 2003 sermon. “God damn America for treating our citizens as less than human. God damn America for as long as she acts like she is God and she is supreme.”

In addition to damning America, he told his congregation on the Sunday after Sept. 11, 2001 that the United States had brought on al Qaeda’s attacks because of its own terrorism.

“We bombed Hiroshima, we bombed Nagasaki, and we nuked far more than the thousands in New York and the Pentagon, and we never batted an eye,” Rev. Wright said in a sermon on Sept. 16, 2001.

“We have supported state terrorism against the Palestinians and black South Africans, and now we are indignant because the stuff we have done overseas is now brought right back to our own front yards. America’s chickens are coming home to roost,” he told his congregation.

The rest.

Well, my response is easy, Snapple.  While I admire Reverend Wright’s intent, I see no reason for the reticence and reserve of his statements.  It seems to me that given his insightful analysis, it might be indispensable to coin some snappy term for those who benefit as a result of US foreign policy choices.  Some way of describing the, well, banality of evil endemic to those in the upper echelons of, say, international trade.  Y’know, the folks who make their millions wiping their ass with the rest of humankind.  Particularly brown humankind.

Any ideas?

Update:  Charles Coulter of the Kansas City Star points out the obvious.

So the Rev. Jeremiah Wright made comments that some portray as hate-filled and anti-American.

So what? I think that’s covered by something called the First Amendment.

And some want Barack Obama to distance himself even further from his spiritual mentor. Why?

Rev. Wright has not said anything that has not been said or is not being said in bars, poolrooms, barber shops, hair salons or anywhere else more than three black people gather.

And don’t fool yourself. It’s not just the black urban poor, those without jobs, education or hope, who express these comments. Many members of the black middle class have the same sense of history; the same sense of anger.

The rest.

Not to follow Mr. Coulter in his rather slavish obviousness, but it ain’t just blacks.  A fucking third of Americans believe 9/11 was a direct inside job.  Not blowback for US foreign policy decisions, which is what Mr. Wright and Mr. Churchill argue, but a direct conspiracy to either commit or allow the attacks.  The only pinheads left on earth who deny that US foreign policy is the reason they hate us are either working for Fox News or sipping Metamucil over at Jim Paine’s place.

But I’ll be offline for the next week or so.  Please, nobody feed Laurie.  It’ll only encourage her to keep coming around.

The dear hearts at Monkey Smashes Heaven have had just about enough of first world feminism.

For all the obvious reasons.

1. The contradiction between First World females and First World males is not antagonistic. First World females have, for the most part, are freed from traditional forms of patriarchal oppression. Like First World males, First World females enjoy a high degree of autonomy, a wide range of life options to pursue in their leisure time, access to imperial privileges, etc. First World males and First World females largely share the same culture and psychology. Whereas there are still differences between First World males and First World females, these differences are insignificant in the global scheme of things. First World males and First World females benefit from the global system of gender oppression.

2. The First World as a whole is your enemy. First World males and First World females are your enemy. Contradictions in individual First World nations are made less and less antagonistic due to the influx of super-profits. Contradictions that once seemed antagonistic have faded away within individual First World nations.

The rest.

“The central question that emerges…is whether the White community in the South is entitled to take such measures as are necessary to prevail, politically and culturally, in areas where it does not predominate numerically? The sobering answer is Yes—the White community is so entitled because, for the time being, it is the advanced race.” —William F. Buckley, National Review, August 24, 1957.